Saturday, February 2, 2013

For Kate!

I recently received a rather unusual request from a dear friend of mine about to have a baby.
She asked me to write a few small blessings/wishes for her impending birth as she was making a board of inspiration and words of wisdom to put in the birthing room {a great idea I'm sure you would agree}

And her second request, now this is where it gets 'weird',  is a piece of personal parenting advice???
From me?

Me...with the child aversion.
Me....worst parent in the world award 1992-now.
Me, of 5 reasons I don't do children and why that's ok!
Now, Kate and I used to walk together a lot when she lived here on the Goldy, so she knows me quite well, and my angst with children was not something I concealed.
 So, asking me for a piece of parenting advice, well that told me one of two things,
#1 Either my friend never listened to my ramblings on small people?
#2 She was a  lot smarter than I ever gave her credit for and saw right through me.
Saw through the fact that I had blown motherhood and missed moments I can never take back.
Saw through the fact that my attack on motherhood and all associated inclusions, was more about my missing out on the whole 2.3 children/white picket fence dream.
{did I mention she held several degrees, was a high achiever and extremely bright, I'm going for #2}

I think it was more of a unhealthy envy towards those 'soccer mum' types that had everything that I didn't!
And how did I end up like this, with so many regrets???

By getting BAD parenting advice - and I've never forgotten it....

So Kate my friend - listen up and listen good - as I'm hoping what I am going to say is going to give  you the best life with little Hunter you'll ever have!

Kate and little Hunter.

One of my clients gave me this piece of advice just prior to having my little bundle of joy.
Her advice.
"Make them fit into your life, not you into theirs."
She went on to say that my life should just be as it always was.
Keep on with work - because you must have a life and be independent!
Keep going out because grandparents should spend time with their grand kids and love having them around (am I making everyone gag yet?)

Sounded good at the time - but sadly has had lifelong effects on me - and my daughter....
I could go on and on about all the mistakes I made, and worst of all how much I missed out on, but the crux of it is simply this...
It was my desicion to have that child not hers.
She didn't asked to be born.
I made that decision.
So ultimately she was - and is - my responsibility.
And I should of of done EVERYTHING to make her life perfect.
But I didn't....

My little bundle of joy Tayla on her first ever camping trip.
Her grandparents took her. I was too busy.....

I was so busy try to remain 'cool' and 'independant' that I missed out on not a lot, but everything...
My poor child never got to do ballet, netball, gymnastics, cause I was too busy doing 'stuff' that in hindsight, was not that important.
There is so much time for all that 'stuff' later.
Your a young mother - trust me, there is time for all that 'stuff' later.

I guess Kate what I'm trying to say is, as a mum with a 21 year daughter that has so many regrets, is to put your child first before everything else.
Enjoy every moment.
Make them your whole life.
I'm not saying neglect Jeremy at all, he'll always be your best friend.
But it's the three of you now.
Make that your priority.
You've been gifted with a new and amazing family - your family.
Give it your absolute all and you will never have any regrets....

Tayla at her recent 21st.
She has grown into an amazing young lady.

I am so lucky that with the love and guidance of an amazing husband, (Tayla's Step Dad), and a very patient, beautiful and forgiving daughter, that we are now - finally - a family.
Luckily it's never to late....

Your Pal,
Maria x x x

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